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How to Support a Member Who is Being Abused

If you are approached by a member or co-worker who is a victim of domestic violence, consider the following list of “do’s” and “don’ts.”

Keys to positive communication

  • Believe her.

  • Encourage, but don’t pressure her to talk about the abuse.

  • Respect her need for confidentiality.

  • Listen to her. Support her feelings without judging.

  • Let her know that she is not alone.

  • Reassure her that the abuse is not her fault. She is not to blame.

  • Give her clear messages that: she can’t change her partner’s behavior; apologies and promises will not end the violence; and violence is never justifiable.

  • Physical safety is the first priority. Discuss her options and help her make plans for her safety and her children’s safety.

  • Give her the time she needs to make her own decisions.

  • If she is not ready to make major changes, do not take away your support.

  • Give her a list of key community resources that support and work with victims of domestic violence.

Harmful — even dangerous — communication to avoid

  • Don’t tell her what to do, when to leave, or not to leave.

  • Don’t tell her to go back and try a little harder.

  • Don’t rescue her by trying to make decisions for her.

  • Don’t offer to try to talk to her partner to straighten things out.

  • Don’t tell her to stay because of the children.

While the signs below could be explained by something other than domestic violence, possible signs that a member is being battered include:

  • Bruises she may try to explain as being caused by an accident.

  • Frequent or unexplained absences or lateness.

  • Frequent personal phone calls that leave her upset.

  • A decline in job performance — difficulty concentrating or working effectively.

  • Withdrawal from co-workers.

Remember, despite severe problems at work, a victim of domestic violence may be reluctant to talk about the abuse due to embarrassment or fear. Assure her that the union is there to help and that you understand it is not always possible to separate one’s personal life from one’s working life.

 

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